About this series: Why Mornings Are Hard
This blog is part of a short series exploring why mornings can feel so difficult for many young people and families. Parents and carers regularly tell me how hard early starts are, and this series looks beyond behaviour to what’s really going on underneath.
It accompanies a workshop I’m teaching this month for Little Hiccups, and is here for those who can’t attend and as an extra resource for those who can.
If mornings in your house feel hard - slow, emotional, feel chaotic, or like everything goes wrong before 8 am - you’re not alone.
One of the most helpful reframes I share with families is this:
mornings aren’t a behaviour issue. They’re a body process.
Waking up means the body has to switch from ‘sleep mode’ to ‘day mode’. That transition is greatly run by hormones. For some young people (and adults), that switch takes time. For others, it happens too fast and feels overwhelming.
Either way, it’s not a choice.
Let’s break down what’s really happening.
The body doesn’t wake up all at once
When we wake up, our bodies are still catching up. Eyes might be open, but our brain, nervous system, and energy systems may still be halfway asleep.
Several hormones have to change levels for us to feel ready to get up, get dressed, eat, cope with instructions and leave the house.
If those hormones are slow, out of sync, or surge too fast, mornings can feel overwhelming - no matter how many reminders are given.
Image from Canva by Maglara from Getty Images Pro
You may also be interested in my other blogs ‘Waking Up Can Be Hard: Understanding Sleep Inertia and Easing Into the Day’ or ‘The Power of a Tiny Nap: Why even a few minutes can make a difference’
The key hormones involved in mornings
Cortisol: the “wake up and get going” hormone
Cortisol naturally rises in the morning to help us feel alert and ready to start the day.
If cortisol rises slowly, your child may seem floppy, foggy, or impossible to wake.
If cortisol rises too quickly, your child may wake anxious, tearful, angry, or already overwhelmed.
Melatonin: the sleep hormone
Melatonin helps us fall asleep at night. In the morning, it needs to drop so the body knows it’s daytime.
Low light, dark mornings, or late nights can mean melatonin hangs around longer than we’d like.
When melatonin hasn’t dropped yet:
Waking feels heavy
Thinking is slow
Getting out of bed can feel physically hard
Adrenaline: the activation hormone
Adrenaline helps the body move from rest to action.
Some young people get a gentle rise in adrenaline. Others get a sudden spike, which can feel uncomfortable or even scary in their body.
This is why:
Loud voices
Rushing
Too many instructions at once
can make mornings worse rather than better.
Dopamine: the “I can start” hormone
Dopamine helps with motivation and starting tasks.
Low dopamine in the morning can look like:
“I know what I need to do but I can’t do it”, not being able to begin
Freezing
Avoidance
Needing a lot of prompting or support
This is especially common for young children and neurodivergent young people.
Hunger and blood sugar hormones
Low blood sugar makes everything harder.
Some young people need food or a drink before they can communicate much, get dressed, or cope with demands or expectations. Others need time first, then food.
There is no ‘right’ order - only what works for your young person.
What might help in the morning?
When you support the body, behaviour usually follows. These may be very small shifts.
Helpful supports include:
Opening curtains or turning on dim lights before talking
Predictability versus pressure
Greet your young person before instructing them
Reducing verbal instructions, especially in the first 15 minutes that they wake
Offering food or a drink early
Supporting extra time
Helping first, expecting independence later
This isn’t lowering expectations.
It’s meeting a nervous system where it is.
A reframe that matters
If mornings feel hard in your house, you’re not alone.
Many children (and adults) need time and support for their bodies and brains to fully wake up.
Therefore, mornings are often about noticing what the body is managing. This understanding can also help make sense of why our young people feel the way they do.
Thank you for being here,
Laura Hellfeld
RN, MSN, PHN, CNL
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Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed healthcare provider for personalised support and care tailored to your specific needs.
Signposting and Resources
Gabby’s Glimmers: An Affirming Story of an Autistic Child and their Favourite Food
Waking Up Can Be Hard: Understanding Sleep Inertia and Easing Into the Day, Blog
The Power of a Tiny Nap: Why even a few minutes can make a difference, Blog
Thanks, this is hugely helpful in unpicking not just my daughter’s experience, but also my own.
Such an important discussion around this! Thanks for putting this together.