Talking with Your Young Person About Dyspraxia: Gentle Conversations and Respectful Support
This resource was created to support parents and carers attending the workshop
“Moving with Purpose: Understanding Dyspraxia and the Body–Mind Connection.”
You might be wondering when to talk to your young person about dyspraxia. Or how. You might be worried about saying too much, saying the wrong thing, or planting an idea that feels heavy or limiting. Many parents and carers in the workshop shared these same worries.
Dyspraxia is often misunderstood because so much of it is invisible. To an observer, it can look like someone who is slow, hesitant, avoidant, or a lacking effort. But to the dyspraxic person, it often feels like knowing exactly what you want to do and not being able to make your body do it smoothly or on time.
This gap between intention and action is where shame and frustration can grow for your young person.
What’s important for your young person to know is that dyspraxia is not about intelligence, motivation, or just “trying harder”. Dyspraxia is about how the brain plans, sequences, and organises their movement and action. That includes visible movement like running or handwriting. And then also less visible forms of movement like starting tasks, organising time, transitioning between activities, or getting words out smoothly.
Many dyspraxic pre-teens and teens are using a huge amount of conscious effort just to get through everyday tasks. And that effort is largely invisible to others and pressure (which increases stress) often makes completing tasks even harder. Rushing, being watched, ongoing corrections, being timed or being compared to others often makes their skills become less accessible rather than improve. And, as you can imagine, this may look confusing to others and feels particularly humiliating to them.
Image from Canva by DESIGNERD from Pexels
You may also be interested in my other blogs like “Advocacy Language for Parents: Talking to Professionals About Dyspraxia", “What is Diagnostic Overshadowing and Why Does it Matter” and “Received a New Medical Diagnosis? A Beginning List of Questions to Ask Your Care Provider”
Explaining dyspraxia in a way that protects their self-worth
When you explain dyspraxia, the aim is not to define limits or predict the future. We try to give your young person an explanation that keeps their sense of self safe. Something neutral.
You might start with something like:
“Everyone’s brain is good at different things. Your brain is really good at ideas and noticing details. Sometimes it has to work harder when it comes to planning movements and actions.”
You might gently add in:
“It just means some tasks take more effort. For you, effort can look like taking longer, needing more time, or using different tools that you find helpful.”
Another potentially helpful line could be:
“It’s about how your brain plans, not how clever or capable you are.”
Language to avoid
Some wording can make difficulty feel like part of who your young person is, or like it will never change. For example:
❌ “Your brain doesn’t work properly”
❌ “You struggle more than other kids”
❌ “You’ll always find this hard”
❌ Over-focusing on deficits
❌ Letting adult anxiety leak through
Why support often looks different
Support for dyspraxic young people is about shaping the environment so their effort can go further.
A helpful guiding question is: “What would make this easier?”
For example:
privacy to practise
time to watch first and try later
tools already available
visuals or materials already set up
the first step already done (paper open, shoes loosened)
more than one way to do the same task
permission to stop and return later, breaks
Many young people feel safer when they’re not being watched. Therefore, they may find it helpful to first have privacy to practise a task and/or time to observe before trying.
What we say while they are doing something can matter just as much as the task itself. Praise can sometimes highlight difference in ways that feel uncomfortable at this age. In addition, language like “just try” or “give it a go” can still feel like pressure. Many young people relax when they hear things like, “You can use this if it helps,” or “We can leave it for now.”
Another powerful shift is learning to externalise the difficulty. Rather than focusing on what they find hard, you can name what the task is asking like “This needs a lot of planning,” or “This asks your body to do several things at once.”
When the problem belongs to the task, it feels less personal.
Starting a task is often harder than finishing. Gentle support might look like having materials already out, the first step already done, or simply being nearby without instruction. Calm co-presence can be more regulating than any verbal guidance.
Building agency, not pressure
One of the most protective things you can do is invite your young person’s expertise. Ask what they notice. What helps, even a little. What makes things worse or a task harder to perform.
You might ask:
“What do you notice?”
“Does anything help, even a little?”
“What makes this harder?”
When it comes to reassurance, honesty matters more than optimism. Rather than promising that everything will get easier, you might say:
“You’ll get better at noticing and choosing what works for you.”
Final Reflection
Talking about dyspraxia with your young person doesn’t have to be one big conversation. It can be something you return to gently, over time. What matters most is that the communication your young person hears is one of understanding.
Thank you for being here,
Laura Hellfeld
RN, MSN, PHN, CNL
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Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed healthcare provider for personalised support and care tailored to your specific needs.
Signposting and Resources
Gabby’s Glimmers: An Affirming Story of an Autistic Child and their Favourite Food
Advocacy Language for Parents: Talking to Professionals About Dyspraxia, Blog
What is Diagnostic Overshadowing and Why Does it Matter, Blog
Received a New Medical Diagnosis? A Beginning List of Questions to Ask Your Care Provider, Blog
Is Your Young Person Starting a New Medication? A List of Question to Ask Your Care Provider, Blog
This is great Laura! I love the gentleness around all the information ❤️
So helpful, thank you