PDAers and Compliance
Understanding the Real Challenge
For those who do not yet understand the neurotype, PDAers are often described as defiant and always pushing back. This misconception can lead to frustration for both PDAers and those who interact with them, as their behaviours are frequently misunderstood.
PDA stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy
Neurotype: a person’s neurocognitive style, way of processing information or way of being. Some examples include Autistic, ADHD, Dyspraxic and Dyslexic people. The term recognises and values these differences as variations of human experience.
Image from Canva
You might also be interested in some of my other blogs on PDA such as ‘Getting to Know More About PDAers: The Less Discussed Characteristics‘ and ‘PDA Signposting: A Growing List‘
In reality, PDAers don’t want to be having a hard time. Their resistance to demands is not a choice but a deeply ingrained response rooted in their neurology. Rather than being deliberately oppositional, they experience a heightened level of anxiety and a strong need for autonomy. This makes it incredibly difficult for them to exist in settings that expect them to follow instructions and demands without question.
Compliance, in the traditional sense of simply doing as one is told, is a concept that does not align well with the PDA neurotype. Instead of expecting unquestioning obedience, a more effective approach is to work collaboratively with PDAers. They need to feel involved in decisions that affect them and to be given clear details, including the expectations placed upon them. This approach reduces anxiety and allows them to engage on their own terms.
Importantly, PDAers thrive when they are provided flexible opportunities rather than being told what to do. Using indirect language, and allowing flexibility all help to create a sense of control, which in turn makes it easier for them to participate. The ability to say ‘no’ is also crucial. If a PDAer feels trapped without the option to refuse, their anxiety spikes, and their avoidance responses intensify. By respecting their need for autonomy and providing them with genuine choices, it becomes possible to foster a more positive and cooperative dynamic.
Declarative language is an example of indirect language and to learn more, I would recommend checking out Linda Murphy’s ‘Declarative Language Handbook‘
Understanding and supporting PDAers means moving away from compliance-based expectations. Instead, focus on collaboration and respect. When their needs are acknowledged and they have space to engage safely, they can navigate the world more easily and successfully.
Thank you for learning about the community,
Laura Hellfeld
RN, MSN, PHN, CNL
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It is NOT a choice - so key!
I love this lime so much,
“In reality, PDAers don’t want to be having a hard time. Their resistance to demands is not a choice but a deeply ingrained response rooted in their neurology.”
Too often— in dealing with schools, I have felt like my child was labeled as defiant or not complying.
But in reality, she’s in a state of nervous system dysregulation. I wish more schools recognized this and took the time to create actual beneficial solutions for PDA kids instead of forcing them to fit into a mold they weren’t built for.